QUotes & SAyings

Peter Harris asked:


Have you ever done something wrong and thought that if you just apologize everything would be alright?  Your problems would go away and everyone would be happy.  You would come out smelling like roses because you took the high road and offered an apology.  If it were only that simple!  How to say sorry seems simple enough to do but its meaning can often be misinterpreted.

How many times have you apologized for something that you may or may not have done just to have the apology blow up in your face?  You think you are going to make everything alright but your apology leads to more fighting.  If this hasn’t happened to you I bet you know someone that it has happened too. 

So why doesn’t an apology always make things right?  How can an apology make matters worse?  There are several reasons as to why this happens and why an apology can backfire and have the exact opposite effect than it is supposed to have. 

One reason how to say sorry can backfire is because we use an apology as an admission of wrongdoing.  We admit we were wrong but then we typically offer excuses and justifications for our behaviours.  This usually leads to more arguing. You can change this by changing your mindset of what the purpose of an apology should be.  Now the purpose of the apology should be to “accept responsiblity for the rift in the relationship.”

Another reason that apologies backfire is simply because we say the wrong things at the wrong times.  What words we say can make the difference between having the apology lead to a productive discussion that can lead to resolving whatever problems you are having vs. an apology that leads to further argument.  The most common mistake that we make saying I’m sorry is placing too much emphasis on who’s right and who’s wrong.

How to say sorry effectively requires you to be in the right frame of mind before attempting to deliver the apology. You should never lead your apology with “I know how you feel…”  This type of statement can be offensive to the other person, only making them angrier. Your apology should be centered around acknowledging how the other person feels. This requires some thought and should not be taken lightly. 

Before saying I’m sorry you need to be prepared regarding how you will handle the “why” question.  When something goes wrong in a relationship the question of “why” always comes up.  Why did you do this or why did you do that?  This needs to be handled delicately and with sensitivity or the apology can easily go sour only to make matters worse.

Another aspect of how to say sorry that needs to be incorporated into the apology is to let your partner know how the situation has affected you as well. In doing so you must be careful not to place blame on your partner or be accusatory.  You are still accepting responsibility for the problem but at the same time expressing how the problem has affected you.

Finally - in learning how to say sorry more effectively we have to learn how to apologize without defense. This simply means that we apologize without expecting anything in return.  You offer an apology but realize that the other person may not accept it.  It would be great it they forgive you - but they may not.

 

Michael Lee asked:


Having a tough time thinking of sweet things to say to your boyfriend? If you try searching online for sweet words to say, majority of the results you get are often in favor of men. However, guys do like to hear Nice things from their partners.

Guys are always expected to say nice things to girls, but why not make a change? Do your share of the intimacy in your relationship. Speak up and make your man appreciate you more by doing so yourself. Some of the sweet things to say to your boyfriend are actually the simplest. This will surely add zest and color to the bond you share.

Words may come as plain remarks, although to some these are powerful expressions of devotion and love, depending on how they are said. Here are some scenarios that you might want to take note of.

1) Men may seem tough and impassive at times, but they do have that soft side. They want their women to comfort them in words and in presence.

So always be ready with sweet things to say to your boyfriend, even if it’s as simple as “Thank you for always being there for me” or “I love you.” Take time to appreciate everything he’s done for you.

2) Women hate it when guys are late in their agreed time. Instead of making a scene, say this instead, “Are you ok? Is everything alright?”

Try to listen to his reason before bursting out. It will be best if you listen first before mouthing uncalled for comments.

3) Men do not like naggers. This is the reason why so many relationships fail because men could not take the agony of hearing women keeping on at them. Instead of being so negative all the time, always have some sweet things to say to your boyfriend.

4) After long hours of work, it would be nice of you to ask him, “Have you eaten already? Can I offer you something?”

By doing so, your boyfriend would be pleased to know that he is important to you and that you truly care. But try not to barrage him with so many questions because these may aggravate him.

5) Compliment your boyfriend with such statements as “You really look good tonight/today.”

Give him an earnest flattering remark. Make him feel confident about himself by praising and uttering nice words about his appearance, or even his attitude and skills. Be careful in choosing your words. As much as possible, be honest about it.

When making remarks or having sweet things to say to your boyfriend, remember to say them at the right time and place. Timing is crucial. It could make or break a compliment. Do not just blurt out in the open because you want to do so. Pick the right moment to say those sweet words to your man.