QUotes & SAyings

Sabrina Schleicher, Ph.D. asked:


As a business and life coach, I often find myself discussing the importance of saying “no” with busy, stressed out business owners and professionals. Everyone likes the idea of saying “no” more often, at least in theory. But, when it comes to actually doing it, I hear a lot of “yes, buts.” In other words, “Yes, I could say no to that, but then who would do it?” or “Yes, I could say no to that, but they’d be disappointed.”

Why is it so hard to say “no” to others?

Most of us experiencing success in our careers have learned one lesson really well–if you want to be successful, you have to be willing to do the work. Translation, say “yes” to opportunities that come your way–you never know where an opportunity will lead. Well, look where that has led you. . . right to reading this article, looking for a solution to managing the stress from your busy life!

The truth is, we are much better at saying “yes” than we are at saying “no.” Saying “yes” is easy, even if it means more stress and frustration down the road. When you say “yes,” the person asking something of you smiles, thanks you, and you are left feeling as though you have pleased someone. There is a lot of emotional payoff in that.

Saying “no” is not immediately gratifying to us. Although rationally we know that saying “no” will mean we will feel less stressed in the future, when we say “no,” we may feel guilty about disappointing the person who has made a request of us. Or, we may fear the consequences of saying “no.” What’s so good about that? Not much. That’s why

simply telling yourself to say “no” more often is not a very effective means of managing your busy life.

So, what’s the alternative? Contemplate saying “yes” with awareness of what the “no” is in every “yes.” For every task or project we agree to do, we are saying “no” to something else. Our time and energy are precious resources. Yet, we tend to believe we can stretch ourselves thinner and thinner by cramming more and more into our day. This simply does not work in the long-term because you deplete your energy.

Instead, think of your time and energy as being limited. When you say “yes” to one opportunity or project, you are saying “no” to something else in your life. So, when you say “yes” to volunteering on a project, you will be committing your time and energy to that project. What are you saying “no” to? Perhaps you are saying “no” to some relaxing time with your family, exercising, or another important project you have already committed to. It becomes much simpler to say “no” to others when you are fully aware of the impact your choices have on your personal life.

Try this over the coming week: Each time you are presented with a new opportunity, project, or task, ask yourself, “What am I saying ‘no’ to by saying ‘yes’ in this

situation?” Write this question on a piece of paper and post it where you will see it often.

Being fully aware of our choices allows us to make choices congruent with our goals, values, and life purpose. This brings us closer to experiencing balance in our lives.

FRANCIS K GITHINJI asked:


There is so much which is not said to girls yet they badly want to hear it from their men. No one is to blame because guys do not know it. I thought of it when as a girl, i got tired of asking questions. He failed miserably to meet my expectations till i felt i had to do something about it. I want to shed some light on what to say to a beautiful girl. I am hoping i will make you one of the special guys around. You can imagine the amount of anticipation a girl is subjected to before she decides to put it in a question. She will be looking at you like you are the first dense head at your age.

When you take her out for a date, notice every little detail at the first glance. Capture the moment to appreciate her wear just to pay for the much trouble she might have gone through. Do not appreciate with your eyes; she is not a mind reader and a guess is less fulfilling than the real word. Say it out in sweet, Nice praising words. May be she is dressed to kill and there you are talking about the football match that was. She gives you time to finish your debate but you start another one and another one. Your date is finally over and just before the goodnight kiss after dropping her off. She asks you “was i smart? did i annoy you?”. The truth is the answers will be yes and no but it might be too late. You should be crucified to torture a girl to such extent. Make it a habit to say to a beautiful girl what she expects. Tell her she is smart on a date, brilliant in an engineering class and a good cook at home.

Majority of guys generally do not see the need to say to a beautiful girl about their dreams, past and will rarely touch on their private lives. This is wrong because it implies that you do not consider her appropriate to share your life with. Do not go exposing yourself to every Jane and Mary but be outspoken It is a girl thing to talk about people and especially you. If anything it is more interesting than talking about plants and animals. Share your ambitions and all that you can with her. It makes a difference to a girl to know that she knows her man best. She would not want to hear something about you from a third party. Say it to her even if you are a thief. She will feel privileged to know what others would have to investigate.

On the other hand, do not say everything she wants to hear. Guys rarely disclose their financial status to a girl in fear of being victimized. If they say to a beautiful girl that they are loaded, the role might drastically shift to that one of a financier. When they admit they are financially challenged, they will not easily find love. Keep it up guys! They really want to hear it but keep her guessing and while you are it, the emotional investment will make it hard for her to leave.

Michael Douglas asked:


Your woman just got home from shopping and is modelling her new dress for you. She circles the room and looks at you expectantly, waiting for your opinion. Naturally, you are confused. Is she asking for your honest opinion or is she fishing for a compliment?

Sometimes, determining what your woman is asking you can be a challenge, especially in the early stages of a relationship. This communication barrier is no one’s fault. Rather, it can be attributed to the fact that men and women speak very different languages. While men are used to being more direct with one another, women tend to be more subtle, often using hints.

So don’t be surprised when you and your woman have such misunderstandings. There are some common phrases that women use, try to understand them to bridge the gap between what she says and what she means.

She says: “I’m not angry.”

What she means: I’m angry.

If she’s pursing her lips and not speaking to you, but claims she’s not angry, she’s probably bluffing. She could simply be bottling up her anger or she may think that her man should just know why she’s upset, without her having to tell him.

What you should do: Try to figure out why she’s upset and talk about it. The issue is not going to go away. In fact, if you don’t deal with it, she’ll just have bottled-up anger towards you and it’ll come back to bite you later.

She says: “I think of you as a brother.”

What she means: I’m not attracted to you.

It means she’s letting you know that she’s not into you, and may be it’s kinder than telling you the truth.

What you should do: In this case, just don’t make a move on her.

She says: “I like your friends, but…”

What she means: I don’t like your friends.

She doesn’t want to insult you or your friends, so she’s not telling you outright how much she dislikes them. She probably thinks they’re a bad company and wants you to hang out with them less.

What you should do: If she has a valid reason to dislike them, then you might take her concerns into consideration. Otherwise, simply tell her that your friends are equally important to you.

She says: “You don’t communicate enough.”

What she means: How do you feel about our relationship?

She wants to know what you feel where the relationship is going, but doesn’t want to come off as needy.

What you should do: Put her mind at ease and tell her what you think about the relationship.

She says: “Why don’t you try to kiss me like this?”

What she means: I don’t like the way you do it.

She doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. But this is not all bad, she likes you enough to want to work at it and make it better.

What you should do: Try it her way and see how it goes.

She says: “I really like that guy’s hair.”

What she means: I don’t like yours.

She figures that it’s a lot nicer to hint at this than to tell you outright.

What you should do: Get a second opinion on your hair. She may be right. But, if your second opinion tells you otherwise, feel free to stick to your guns and your hairstyle. In that case, just pretend that you didn’t get her hint.